current music playing: your hand in mine - explosions

current mood: a sad kinda happy feeling
 

This afternoon at 2.02pm, i received one of the simplest but best things in life. call me an old fashioned sucker, yes i am. my unsurprised surprised 27th Birthday Card hailing from Texas.  i love lil notes. i treasure letters than emails and hellos over the net. and it has been so damn long since i last received a Birthday card, not to mention it was sent like 2 weeks earlier than the actual date. hahah!  

This Birthday card is most special ever. It was addressed to a daughter, from a mother in literal form. god….*shit the lump in the throat’s forming up again

And all the words that are said on the card,  it touches my heart lightly at first but the more i read, the heavier it became.  a good kind of heavy, it was. i thought the words were incredibly beautiful.  The last words, “I love being your Mom” pretty much broke down all the barriers between us.   The best part it was signed Lots of Love, MAMA.   See, i’ve never had anyone in the family who said they were proud of me.

Not ibu nor ayah.   there wasn’t any single time in any moment they said they were.   And truth is, i’ve let them down by their standards in so many ways.   This feels good to be accepted for what i am, and she  is foremost proud for all that i’ve accomplished.   and i’ve not heard them say i’m kind nor thoughtful. i’ve not heard them say they are inspired by me, by my courage and the way i look at life.   All the things i’ve heard are the direct opposite.. it doesn’t take a genius to figure if you stayed with me for 21 years.