current music playing :

Blower’s daughter

Gabriel

Team Burong’s torn

Team Burong’s Wonderwall

Team Burong’s Ode to my family

Be quiet and drive acoustic

Cherrywves acoustic

Knife Party acoustic

Your new cuckoo

Bay vs Leonard

Knife party live

Fuck i’ve just realised i’ve got class tonight….aaaaarrrrrrrrh gotta run xoxo

Please don’t mind the (leave 2 spaces after every full stop) cos i was thinking since i’m gonna type shit out why not practise as well right?  Cos i have Text Production test to sit in next March.  Of which i’ll be rusty by then.  Silly schedule planning man.  That reminds me i have exam mugging to do.  sigh. What a bore.

ok, i am finally here.  Literally typing out.  To make it seem more real.  Or just a check every now and then.  I….may get married. hahaa yeah we’ve come to mutual understanding that we wanna seal the deal. 

And i (drum rolls) ………i have decided to plan my own wedding. 

Ambitious huh?  i mean, why not right?  That’s mainly due to the fact that i find most malay wedding decor, repulsive.  Although, i do love Wedding Chateau’s but jeeez!  it’s rippin my paycheck off dude.  So here comes the budget bridezilla.  i’m a detailed, fussy perfectionist, i can’t bear to think how much i’m gonna torture myself over this.  and perhaps fad too.

I’ve some stuff in mind.  I’ve finally set my mind to a particular theme after months of contemplations and fickle minded ideas.  I’m gonna have a theme that best represents us. Duh!  Which is fun and laypaksss.  In English words, it’ll be best said as laid back and whimsical? hahaha.  ok  get real, what i’m looking at is colourful, vintage that exudes fun and psychedelic kinda feel.  We would love to have a personalized dinner, not whereby the bride and groom seems untouchable and uncommunicative from afar.  we didn’t pay such a high price to be seated by ourselves isn’t it?  Pretty idiotic.  That is one thing i don’t udnerstand our asian culture.

I’m gonna hafta break em down into different posts when i get round inputting ideas.  So that’s it for now.  Ta.

i’m currently diggin Nigella eversince i watched one of the episodes on TLC.  Ooohlalah xoxo

This afternoon at 2.02pm, i received one of the simplest but best things in life. call me an old fashioned sucker, yes i am. my unsurprised surprised 27th Birthday Card hailing from Texas.  i love lil notes. i treasure letters than emails and hellos over the net. and it has been so damn long since i last received a Birthday card, not to mention it was sent like 2 weeks earlier than the actual date. hahah!  

This Birthday card is most special ever. It was addressed to a daughter, from a mother in literal form. god….*shit the lump in the throat’s forming up again

And all the words that are said on the card,  it touches my heart lightly at first but the more i read, the heavier it became.  a good kind of heavy, it was. i thought the words were incredibly beautiful.  The last words, “I love being your Mom” pretty much broke down all the barriers between us.   The best part it was signed Lots of Love, MAMA.   See, i’ve never had anyone in the family who said they were proud of me.

Not ibu nor ayah.   there wasn’t any single time in any moment they said they were.   And truth is, i’ve let them down by their standards in so many ways.   This feels good to be accepted for what i am, and she  is foremost proud for all that i’ve accomplished.   and i’ve not heard them say i’m kind nor thoughtful. i’ve not heard them say they are inspired by me, by my courage and the way i look at life.   All the things i’ve heard are the direct opposite.. it doesn’t take a genius to figure if you stayed with me for 21 years.

In 9hrs, they’ll be off in a plane. I have a gut feeling it’s gonna be hard for me. My god i’ll miss them like crazy. The only family i had for the past one and a half month. the only time i felt i had a family is when they’re here. the feeling’s just different going out with fad’s family. in fact, it saddens me more that i don’t own one. with all the drama going on, there is no way i can ever dream to have a normal family. which is why now, im re considering houston. sigh let’s see how it goes. it’s lovely to have a mom for the past weeks. and felt awesome to have siblings. it felt really good. damn good that it hurts.

see you in a couple of hours at the airport guys. i promise to catch you guys in 2012.

So fad, mama and me hungout over coffee, green teas and hot teas over at the patio and smoking too many fags when we shouldn’t have until 3 in the morning. with 4 hours of not enough sleep. i’m a walking zombie today and a cranky fasting one  must add.

i hadn’t had time to sit and pen down stuff that was happening around me. important stuff. hurtful stuff. sometimes i wonder how much more interesting stuff does my life want. they always come knocking onto my door. anyhows, let’s recap cos i don’t wanna miss a thing anymore

Since Aji left, the americans came for a mth and a half. they’ll be leaving in..what? heck..3days time. i’m saying..i really am gonna miss them SICK. especially my baby nadia. well, all of the kids. it has been a hell of a tiring period but all worth being tired for. they make me feel like i have a family, which i have been missing out on that for so long. fuck..now that i AM thinking about it..i’m telling you..i am SO deprived. pffft. pathetic man. gosh it’ll be so sad to have them leave.

and so about the tattoo. so ibu knew. let’s see how it goes, cos mama’s gonna talk to ibu about resolving family matters ONCE AND FOR ALL. i can’t believe how i got disappointed by my own cousin, of whom i treat her as my elder sister. all these while, you and your husband were what? backstabbing me and telling all the lies and crap about me and fad…tsk man disappointing. you and your husband don’t work, depend dole ftom the govt and you call fad useless? man, you guys gotta wake up. and rubbing salt onto the wound when i was trying to make peace with my folks? man u friggin disgust me. tskkkk

mama’s trying to fix a meet up with everyone to straighten my life out. i’ll know by end of day.  i hope that ibu’ll agree to meet cos things are gonna be draggy until the day i die. what else…apart from that we had a huge dinner at east coast with dada and fiancee. wished i had more time, but they were also occupied with their pre wedding stuff so…separately, i lost my engagement ring. yup. dont even ask. fad’s gotta be the most patient man i’ve ever met.

there’s truckloads more to write..but i’m too lazy for now. so. am gonna piss off.

Eversince melby trip, there isn’t a single day i’ve had the time to stay home and rot. last two weekend was spent at expo. last weekend was drinking at V’s hotel and partying at zouk and aji’s short visit. he’s leaving on wednesday and my mom and the lil munchkins will be arriving the very next day. and guess what i’ll be busy with this coming weekend? no prize for the best guess.  I’ve not had enough proper bonding time with fad yet. of course we stay together, but having quality time is different you know. but nope, this isn’t complaining. i’m just having a need to get this exhaustion off my chest. Believe it or not, i’m loving all these busy activities. cos i complain too when i’ve got nothing to do. i’ld rather have stuff to do than sitting away at home. to me, that is a complete waste of weekend.

friday evening was spending 3.5 hours at a hair salon. yeaps i permed my hair again. nightime i met aji and we had one too many rounds of drinks at V’s Intercon. I’ve not had pure whisky for an effing long period time. and v’s like yeah drink it like that..drink it..and exchanged our quarter full cups for hers (full). i was teeeep-seee. that girl…sure knows how ta partay. she’s grown prettier by the way. and then grabbing a cab was excruciating. it was almost 12 and suprisingly the taxi line was sprawled. i needed to pee. we were tipsy. no cabs. not good. i finally got one after being put on hold for like 15 mins. nevermind the peeing while balancing myself and clutching my mobile on the other hand and talking to the operator. and did i mention i was tips? by the time we reached home, we were greeted by a fat joint and the usual bunch. i gave up mann. by 2am i think i was snoring away like a fat piggy while the guys continued the night.

sat morning at 11am was a i-gotta-rush-for-flight-tickets day. aji and i were up and running from changi to city hall for flight tickets and the boyfriend had a wedding to video. fuck mandala air for fucking us up for the wasted trip to changi. from lion air to air asia to internet cafe and back to lion air. oh i managed to squeeze some time to purchase a concealor from make up forever store at stamford. that small concealor intention went to $180 worth of other make up stuff. i hated myself after that. we got home at 6pm, managed an hour of sleep afterwhich we headed to zouk for stamps. we had din and booze at zion’s. digi played at 1.45!!!!! friggin rockstar sia…maybe they were watching soccer cos germs were playing. there were suhaimi, fad, aji, shaik, his fren, ironman?, zac, raihan, haffiz, asri. what power company! and what’s better than having digi’s tee thrown at you by jens?? both and aji and i got effing lucky siaaa. ok, on a different note,  i felt digi could have done a bit more better for their dj set..think it was sorta draggy at some parts..but neverthless they make it up for spinning zdarlight and pogo…friggin anthems man..what could have been better than this! oh xcept they didnt play another hot fave of mine digitalism in cairo.

the night was great, except when haffiz met that ungrateful biatch. sighh. she..is beyond words for me to describe. that poor broken man. i’ll do what it takes for him to get back to his feet.

we got home at 5+ in the morning. the aftermath of the lil fish ride was still lingering. i tossed and turned and kissed my sleeping fad and finally i slept. i woke up at 10am cos fad needs to work and aji hasn’t slept yet since last night. aji left and i was fast asleep at 1pm with my kitties. didn’t get up till 4. i showered and went to gramps place. had a chat with my parents about the aussie biz thingy (and that is another story altogether). had dinner with haffiz at 7 and had a good chat. by time i got home, was almost 10pm.

and having that one hour of quality time with each other before we kissed sunday good night, was truly appreciated.

next plan, aji’s bday tomorrow evening.  

Girlfriend’s in town yo! in perfect tune with digitalism’s set tomorrow. oh my goddd..i’m sleepy now but so friggin excited. i’m trying to contain..but ohhh shuddup already yana..friggin idiotic..but i can’t help it..sheeessh.

ok ok calm down now. what i’m gonna do today? first, i’m zappin off for a perm *gasp! dhahaha yeapies. a perm man. hahaha why does it sound very auntie like when i say perm? yeah, i’ve decided to go for it. enough of contemplations. my hair’s already like so unkept. no structure, limp and lifeless and half coloured. tie into a ponytail, the head’s black and ponytail looks like a wig. can you imagine it already?  so my dilemma is, go black or go brown / blonde again? i’ve got a week to ponder.

Eversince i came home on tuesday morning, goodness i’ve been friggin busy. saturday weddings and expo exhibition. 9 am – 11 pm. that leaves prolly about 2 hours to hang with the guys? monday whamm i’m back at work before i know it. then comes the monthly period. then the PMS bitchin. then the cravings. then the sex fasting. then the untouched laundry from the holiday + fad’s. then the unvaccumed and unmopped bedroom. then the unsettled monthly bills. at this point, owning time is like owning a rolls royce. i haven’t gotten round to do all the necessary which leaves me not in the best mood. and thursday meeting with agency after work. i’m defintely leaving by this end year. i’m tired of empty promises. we’re not going anywhere. zero. i have no projects. i’m better of doing freelance. i’m tied down with my bloody binding contract. the other girls, they’re all younger than me and probably naive. think i’m gonna omit out the naive to show how sure i am. they don’t dare voice out and say yes to all that’re given even if it mean, not understanding what they’re in for. so i, don’t take that crap. for i, have been told a couple of times that i ask too much,but hey i’m mature enough to question about what i’m benefitting from these. so there.

apart from, i’m officially starting school (yeap you heard right) in August. i’ll cut this short. after being rejected twice by my immediate boss, i had a huge change of luck. the owner of my company / the big big boss decided to sponsor me as he truly believes and encourages me to upgrade and have a better future while i’m still young. and without any hassle, he passed onto HR for immediate approval! so was that a tight slap i heard from across the street? (umm an inside joke here) seriously mann, what the odds of my luck being completely different???? i must have been doing something good to have this kinda great luck.

yawnies…Zzzzz i’m feeling like i could doze off anytime now.